Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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