I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
