She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
