I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The power of my boobs compel you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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