Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
