I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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