Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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