i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
