My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
