This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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