you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
