She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
