He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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