Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
