Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.