ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i've created a new STD.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.