The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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