fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.