Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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