He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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