you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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