I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Terrible idea I love it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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