if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
