I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This is not my ceiling
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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