but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
