he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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