bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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