I wish i was in the wii world.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
