How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
