Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
