Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
