guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
