Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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