I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
