I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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