I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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