you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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