am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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