are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
