White coat. Heels.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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