With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
