I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
