i already hear my dad disowning me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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