FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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