Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
