dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
