Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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