I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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