I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
