You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
