I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
