Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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