pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
