some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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