she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
