i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize