On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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