at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
