Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
