Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
