just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
