you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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