I'm jealous of your bromance
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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