I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
