Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
