i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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