I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
