paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
