Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
