I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
