Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
