honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
