I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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