I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
