dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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