I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
