Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize