Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
