So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
