you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
