i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
