then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
