PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
